Squidward Bound: Beer-Battered Fried Calamari Pizza

What it took for two pizzas:

for the dough:

  • 1 (1/4th oz) packet dry active yeast
  • 3/4 cup warm water
  • 1 Tbs. sugar
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/8 cup olive oil
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for the work surface

for the calamari:

1 pound calamari rings
3 cups favorite seafood batter mix (or a mix of flour, cayenne, salt and pepper), divided
1 cup of beer
4 cups canola oil

the rest:

  • 1 cup favorite pizza sauce
  • a good handful sliced pepperoncini (banana peppers)
  • 3 cups shredded fresh mozzarella (or a block is fine)
  • minced parsley
  • 1 lemon, zeste
  • 1/2 cup Greek yogurt
  • 2 tsp hot sauce (like Tabasco)
  • 2 tsp juice from the pepperoncini jar


  1. Start your dough. Pour the warm water into a large bowl and add the yeast. Let sit for 5 minutes until it gets bubbly. Whisk in the sugar, salt and oil. Then add the two cups of flour. Mix until you get a soft gooey ball of dough. Remove the ball of dough from the bowl, wipe it out, place it back and brush with a little bit of olive oil. Cover with a clean kitchen towel and let sit for an hour, until doubled in size.
  2. While the dough rests, start on your calamari. Bring the oil to a pipin’ 350 degrees in a straight-sided pan.
  3. In a small bowl, combine 1 cup of the batter mix with the 1 cup of beer. Place the rest of the batter mix in another shallow dish. In a few small batches dredge the calamari rings through the beer batter, shake off any excess goo, then toss them around in the remaining dry mix.
  4. Fry in batches until golden brown, draining on a plate with paper towels.
  5. Preheat your oven to 400. Stick a pizza stone in there if you have one!
  6. Divide the pizza dough into two balls and roll them out until you get a good 9 or 10-inch pizza. I can’t ever get mine round. I’m okay with it though. I’m rustic. Right? Never mind.
  7. Spoon as much sauce as you like over each crust. Follow with a scattering of banana peppers and mozzarella cheese. Slide into the oven and bake for about 15 minutes, allowing the crust to brown and the cheese to bubble up with glory.
  8. While the pizza is baking, mix together the yogurt, hot sauce and pepperoncini juice.
  9. Remove from the oven and top with fried calamari, a healthy drizzle of the cream sauce, minced parsley and lemon zest. Serve with lemon wedges and get.on.that.already.

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